p.s. if you'd like to read the excerpt that these people read, please download this short TXT file.
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Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Reviews
ABNA Expert Reviewer
What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?
The excerpt is well-written overall but what I really liked about it was Kat's interaction with Bridget, which seemed realistic and lively and fresh. I like their easy banter.
What aspect needs the most work?
I think overall this is a really strong entry. There were just a couple of things that gave me pause. (1) Kat's interaction with the policeman in the first chapter was odd. Specifically, these two passages:
A. "What's the matter? Why are you hugging
yourself?" the cop asked, rather coarsely. His
name tag read Brown. "You cold?"
-- If she's standing there barely dressed and soaking wet, the answer to this is obvious. Anyway, it doesn't seem like a question the policeman would be likely to ask.
B. "We could just," she
started, giving Officer Brown a tiny smile and
tilting her head back toward the apartment.
-- I'm not sure what this is supposed to mean. The context would suggest that she just wants to talk in her apartment. But this certainly sounds like she's coming on to him, which makes no sense within the story and is just very weird.
(2) Maybe I'm wrong, but I doubt that anyone named Katrina these days gets a conversation about New Orleans whenever they introduce themselves. And I find it hard to believe that someone would legall change their name because of it.
What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?
Apart from the small problems I had with the story, as mentioned above, I really enjoyed this one. I think the writing is good, starting with the description of Kat standing in the rain at the beginning. And I particularly enjoyed the relationship between Kat and Bridget. Hopefully there's more of that to come in the story. I'm not sure what will happen given the drama with which the story starts, but I would definitely keep reading this one if I had the book in hand.ABNA Expert Reviewer
What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?
The minutia of the day-to-day grind of the average American hits the reader head-on with an unrelenting encounter of the mundane, tedious toil that makes up life. Incredibly accurate portrayal of time consuming chit-chat, social obligation and random encounters that leave the reader reeling.
What aspect needs the most work?
The excerpt is a victim of its own success...it does such a good job portraying the "common man" (or woman in this situation) that the reader wants to escape the tedium and mindless chit-chat. Also, doesn't seem like it would appeal to a general audience but rather fall into the "chick lit" category or better yet, a movie transcript.
What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?
Soft diversion of modern day working woman. Chick lit that makes for easy reading and comforting commonality among working class young women. For some reason, this seems like it would make a better transcript than a book...high on visualization but low on plot.
How cool is that? I'm very happy with those 2 reviews (mostly the 1st one). Dangit -- so I didn't go to the next round! With reviews like that, I can actually go back and re-edit with those few tips and make it awesome. And heck, I'll even take the "Chick Lit" category.
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